I Love You This Much
by FUDDYDUDDY
Summary: Two-Bit realizes an important truth as he comes to terms with his dad's leaving


This is my first attempt at a songfic. I hope you like it. Whether you like it or not please review it and let me know what you think. If you don't like it let me know how it could be improved. Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Two-Bit, he belongs to S E Hinton. I Love you This Much belongs to Jimmy Wayne and probably a whole bunch of other people.  
  
Keith Matthews stood at the window and waited for his dad to come and pick him up. He was supposed to be there right after breakfast but something must have come up be cause now it was lunchtime and he still wasn't there.  
  
"Honey, come and eat," said his mom softly.  
  
"Where is he, Mom?" he asked as tears formed in his eyes.  
  
"I don't know, Sweetheart," she answered. Damn you Jacob! She thought to herself. How can you do this to him? She felt the anger building up as she thought about all the missed visits and broken promises that her ex husband had made. It had been six months since Jacob had even bothered to call his son. Six months of watching her six-year-old son press his nose against the window every Saturday morning and crawl into bed in tears every Saturday night. As he left after his last visit, Keith stretched his arms out as far as he could and said, "I love you this much, Daddy." When Jacob got in the car Keith cried, "Don't you love me, Daddy?" Jacob drove away without a word.  
  
(He can't remember the times that he thought  
  
Does my daddy love me?  
  
Probably not  
  
But that didn't stop him from wishing that he did  
  
Didn't keep from wanting or worshiping him He guesses he saw him about once a year  
  
He could still feel the way he felt  
  
Standing in tears  
  
Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go  
  
Whispering daddy, I want you to know Chorus  
  
I love you this much and I'm waiting on you  
  
To make up your mind, do you love me to?  
  
However long it takes  
  
I'm never giving up  
  
No matter what, I love you this much)  
  
Two-Bit Matthews sat alone in the quiet of the church. It wasn't the first time he had been here; Ponyboy had drug him to church services several times over the past few years and he started attending regularly after Dallas and Johnny had died as he tried to make sense of that whole senseless situation. He was still looking for the answers.  
  
His eyes strayed to the casket at the front of the church and he found himself slowly walking towards it. Placing a hand against the polished wood of his father's casket he whispered, "I loved you so much. Why couldn't you love me? How could you do that to me? How could you just walk away like I didn't even matter?" All the anger he had hid behind his cocky, arrogant attitude burst out of him as he cursed his father for leaving him, neglecting him, and not loving him. And as the man he had become silently cursed and screamed in rage, the little boy he had been cried for the father he had lost and would never know.  
  
(He grew to hate him for what he had done  
  
'Cause what kind of a father, could do that to his son  
  
He said 'damn you daddy', the day that he died  
  
The man didn't blink, but the little boy cried Chorus I love you this much and I'm waiting on you  
  
To make up your mind, do you love me to?  
  
However long it takes  
  
I'm never giving up  
  
No matter what, I love you this much)  
  
As he sat through the services and listened to everyone talk about what a wonderful man Jacob Matthews had been Two-Bit felt his eyes drawn to the wall behind the preacher. He had troubles breathing and felt tears well up in his eyes as he sat and stared at the cross that hung on the wall.  
  
Suddenly everything that the preacher had tried to say in all those Sunday services, and what people had tried to tell him over the course of his life started to sink in. He wasn't alone and he was not unloved. He had his friend, his mother, his sister, and at that moment he realized he had someone even more important.  
  
He bowed his head and whispered, "Forgive me Father."  
  
(Half way through the service  
  
While the choir sang a hymn  
  
He looked up above the preacher  
  
And he sat and stared at him He said "Forgive me father"  
  
When he realized  
  
That he hadn't been unloved or alone all his life  
  
His arms were stretched out as far as they'd go  
  
Nailed to the cross, for the whole world to know Chorus I love you this much and I'm waiting on you  
  
To make up your mind, do you love me to?  
  
However long it takes  
  
I'm never giving up  
  
No matter what, I love you this much) 


End file.
